remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
