so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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