Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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