This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
