And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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