we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
