I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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