Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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