I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
