i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
