Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
