I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
