There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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