i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
