A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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