Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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