O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
