Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
