my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
