my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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