We're like a lot better than the average bears
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
