I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
