Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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