Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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