You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
