Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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