she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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