I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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