Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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