I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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