Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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