It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Alive.
So much puke
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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