I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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