oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
