somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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