remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
