No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
