hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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