I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
