Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
