I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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