Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
