Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
