I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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