Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
