Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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