I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
