no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
