u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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