mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
