Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think I won the penis lottery.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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