My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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