dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
